what hurted me the most during all that period i felt shame about doing everything cause i felt really less, basically حقرت روحي بالعين in litterly everything i refused some ppl i really liked i didnt like how i looked most of the time i moved as a dead body every moment somehow everything i was living had another version in my head i think that i would be really really diffrent if all of this didnt happend but some how, i still believe that everything will pass and i will look really proud into my self one day ill be out of this surviving mood area and i will look back and just see it as an old silly memories ...
the last days ive get that feeling, the most hated one, but nearly it is the realest one im the most unlucked girl so far, no one could convince me about this at all i have no pretty face, no strong personality, sick unsupported parent a,d family, no proper house, no car, i tought i could be good at my studies at least, bsh khlast 3liya been at the lowest everge stage on my medical studies, thought also i could make my own money and start from zero but also failed on that, my last hope is thinking that i could get a scholarship and leave that damn life behind my back and live in another country, but also failed on that on the other days i success on making myself feel normal about everything, but on days like today i just cant run away from my reality, simply i have to face and let em slap me to the face maybe i can be an everge doctor one day, live to the rest of my life with the damn hijab and a face and a body im no more happy with, marrying a stupid man who convinc...